Good Essays by Students for the 1st Mock Exam

The following are four good essays written by students for the writing task on the 1st mock exam, all in their original forms except for the 1st one, part of which was modified by my colleague. These essays were graded by different raters, not including me. 



 

1.

It was a sunny afternoon. Nick was on a cheerful biking trip with his family. They went to the countryside to get a gulp of fresh air. They were riding along the riverbank when the thought of taking a picture flashed through Nick's mind. Nick's family happily agreed with the suggestion. Nick then fished out his camera from his bag and waited for his family to pose for a photo. Stunned by the breathtaking view of the mountain in the background, Nick took a step backwards as he tried to fit a miraculous view of the picture.

Drawn in the process, Nick failed to notice what was behind him. Sliding another step backwards, Nick felt something cold touching his let. He then saw his family staring at him with their mouth wide-open--just before the whole world went upside-down.

He fell into the cold embrace of the river. The huge splash caught the attention of passersby, then they noticed Nick's family screaming for help. A man jumped swiftly into the river and dragged Nick out. Shivering with cold, Nick had no idea of what just happened as all he saw was a blur. Gasping for breath, Nick managed to ask the man in front of him if he had seen his glasses. The man thought for second then replied that he saw his glasses and camera washed away by the river tides. What a pity! At least Nick was safe, and it was what his family cared about.

(253 words) (Score: 17/20)

2.

It was a bright, sunny day, and the Simpsons were on a bike trip. Along the way, they took pictures, smiling and waving. Every thing was fine and the Simpsons couldn't enjoy this long-awaited holiday more. It seems that nothing could go wrong on such a pleasant day.

Well, something did happened. While Homer Simpson rode across a bridge, he fell over the ledge into the river below. The cause of this event was that Homer was "drunk-riding". He had one pint too many at the last restaurant they stopped by. As he fell, the other Simpsons stared in astonishment, for the ledge was fairly high and people couldn't fall over so easily. The only explanation was that Homer was simply too drunk.

After thay pulled the bedraggled Homer out of the river, he was shivering from head to toe. The paramedics and police arrived, and as soon as they confirmed that Homer was alright, the police arrested him right away. The police told Homer that he not only "drunk-rode", but was also speeding. How could anyone be speeding while riding a bike? It remains a myth. As the police dragged him to the station, Homer was still moaning "My glasses...where are my glasses?"

It wasn't such a cheerful day after all.

(212 words) (score: 18/20)

3.

On a Sunday morning, the sun was shining and the sky was blue. There were no clouds in the sky. What a beautiful day for going outside! Jane and her family decided to go bike riding. They planned to ride bikes in the park and then have a picnic there.

The park where they went was really gorgeous. There were tress and flowers every where. On the right side, there were high mountains. And on the left side lay the lake. Jane and her family were so excited that they tended to take a picture before going on a ride. Jane's family was in front of the mountains while Jane was beside the river holding her camera. She was finding a perfect angle to take a wonderful picture. Jane moved left and right, yet the distance between she and her family was too close.

Jane stepped backward. She didn't remember there were a river behind her. "Watch out! Jane", her mom yelled. But it was too late. Jane had already fell into the river. Fortunately, Jane could swim. She swam on the shore. She was all wet. And worst of all, her glasses were missing. Without her glasses, Jane was next to blind. All she desired to do was go home. She was sorry for ruining a gleeful holiday.

(219 words) (Score: 18/20)

4.

One sunny Saturday afternoon, Jack and his family went on their annual bike-riding vacation by the river bank. At the start of their ride, Jack and his parents happily posed for the camera to mark the beginning of their family trip. After that, the four of them rode along the river bank, humming their favorite tune, enjoying the gentle wind breezes brushing their cheeks and the spactacular sight of rows of clouded mountains on the other end of the river.

Suddenly, Jack, perhaps too dazzled by the beauty of nature, stumble into an obstacle and fell into the river. His other family members stood, jaw-dropped, while Jack struggled to stay above the water. Then, Jack's sister reacted fast and asked a pattrolling police for help.

With the help of the police and his family, Jack was safely retrieved from the water. The only thing missing was his glasses, but Jack was very optimistic. He was just really grateful that he didn't drown, and thanked the policeman and his family for their help. "What a memorable incident!" Jack said, and this brought laughter to his family members, as well as he police officer.

(192 words) (Score: 14/20)