Two Mock Exam Essays by Students

Today students got back their mock exam essays. The following are two that score 18 out of 20. They are both the original pieces, with mistakes underlined.

Few weeks ago, I watched TV and found an astonishing news about two men torturing a dog. The cruel men spilled some liquid that looked like oil on the dog and light up the cigarette before throwing it to the dog. The dog was instantly on fire, barking in pain and despair, and gradually became black ashes on the ground. What made people more furious was that the two men were laughing all the time while the dog was suffering and struggling to live.

I was angry and heartbreaking when I saw the poor dog being tortured like this. It was hard to imagine that human, claiming as the most intelligent creature in the world, would lay such cruel fingers on other animals. As a senior high school student, I still have conscience that I should have compassion for other creatures. I would feed the stray dogs and cats in my neighborhood, and if I see people try to harm animals before my eyes, I would call out and stop them. After all, animals have the right to live as well. And it’s our job to make their lives easier since we already have the advantages and privileges as being humans.

(202 words) (18/20)

 

A disturbing sight of a man beating a stray dog with his walking stick shocked me a couple of days ago. The man was sitting on a bench by the park, eating some bread when a stray dog came to him, sniffing his bread. At first, he yelled at it to go away. Failing, he picked up his walking stick which was laid on the floor, and began beating the dog crucially. The stray dog barked helplessly, and then ran away, half limping, with red scars all over his body. The man put down his walking stick, and continued eating his bread like nothing had happened.

In my effort to prevent similar events from happening again, I’d start by educating the people closest to me---my friends and family---about animal care. In my opinion, We don’t have to be animal lovers to have the simplest respect and care for animals. The best way to help animals is to not physically abuse them. If a stray dog is bothering you, change a seat; if a cat is pleeing for your food, share some with it. These simple acts of kindness are all great ways to protect and take care of our animal friends. I hope that through these small actions, I’d help put a stop to animal abuse.

(218 words) (18/20) 

samples (mock 2010-2).doc