Ben's composition

Ben,

Here's my feedback to your composition.

Never will I forget the trip I went to
New York. Last month, I went abroad due to my on business. On the air planeairplane, the flight attendant served me so well that I can't help enjoying the atmosphere totally relaxed. Gradually, I fell asleep. However, something went wrong all of a sudden. The airplane exploded and fell/plummeted above to the sea. Lucky as I was Luckily/Fortunately, I didn't get hurt, but I could not go anywhere except stay on an a small island.

On the island, I felt somehow somewhat hungry. All I should could do is was fool walk around and find looking for something to eat. In the jungle, I could see saw nothing but a lots of trees. Out of the blue, a group of aborigines from nowhere stood in front of me / blocked my way and looked me straight in the eyes. I was very frightened that because I thought they would kill and have me as their dinner. Then, to my relief, On the contrary, they guided me to their inhabits place and set made a fire to welcome my visit. Though I could not understand what they talked about, I could clearly feel their passion to me. The next day, the a rescue plane came to save and take me to the modern city/world to
New York. I was gratituded grateful for those aborigines' hospitality, and I promised that I would come back to visit them next time (sometime).

This was such an exciting trip that I would will never forget it.

Score: 11/20

Comments: 1. Pay attention to the tense.

2. Choose the right word or phrase.

3. Well-organized.

4. An interesting account of a chance of a lifetime.

If you would like to print it out, please click on the following words to get a clearer version: Ben essay feedback.doc.

Thanks for reminding me to put on more clothes. Please take very good care of yourself, too. Drink more water; lemon water would be even better. BTW, how long did it take you to type your essay up?