http://epreschool.hsin-yi.org.tw/article/20131204152841.aspx
讓孩子保有多一點的彈性
撰文／洪蘭
英國的布魯漢爵士（Lord Henry Brougham）曾經說過：「如果一個人學到的東西是可以擦掉的話，那麼孩子在幼年期所學的東西要用一生的時間來清除，而長大後所學的學問不到一周的時間，便可全部清除掉。」
My comments: “If you can erase everything someone learns, then, what children learned from when they were younger will take them their entire life to clear, and, what they’d learned after they’re grown gets wiped out within a week’s time.” --Lord Henry Brougham
大陸幼兒雜誌的一位編輯來信問道：「這句話可以作為支持早教的證據嗎？」不可以的，布魯漢爵士在說這句話時是在強調幼年經驗的重要，而當時的幼教不是指目前早教班所教的算術、英文或才藝課，而是指小時候父母給的身教、言教，尤其是無法用言語描繪的心靈安全感。童年情緒的發展很重要，早期的品格教育和情緒經驗會影響孩子的一生。
那麼，那位編輯為什麼又會這樣問呢？因為人崇拜偶像，名人講的話有權威性，可以加強對商品的信任度。我們常常看到很多業者把名人講的話，斷章取義，拿來作廣告，台灣的民眾也似乎特別喜歡名人的代言，像前一陣子的胖達人麵包事件，代言者既非餐飲業也非烘培業的專家，找她代言，她的話能有什麼份量呢？但是大家還是趨之若鶩。這種盲從反映出我們教育在邏輯思辨上的弱點。
把握轉折點 給自己多一點彈性
父母會那麼在意早教主要是怕輸在起跑點，其實成功的人不是贏在起點，而是贏在轉折點。因為人生的路不可能是直線的康莊大道，它必有轉折，轉折時才是關鍵，有智慧的人能做出正確的選擇，每一個選擇的正確性又決定後面的選擇。所以，得失勝敗是決定在正確的選擇上，不是一開始時，跑得有多快。
當第一選擇落空時，孩子要能接受其它的可能性，給自己彈性，不可堅持非要不可。有一個故事說：
一條河流從高山流下來，經過沙漠要去大海，但是它的水被沙漠的熱蒸發掉了，它哭泣地說：「我永遠到不了大海了。」 沙漠說：「你若願意放棄原來的樣子，你還是可以到大海，你現在是水蒸氣，水蒸氣會浮游在空氣中，微風會把你吹到海上，一遇冷，變成了雨，下下來，你就回到了海洋了。」 小河說：「可是變成水蒸氣，我就不再是河流了呀！」 沙漠說：「你的本質其實沒有變，你還是水。但是你堅持是河流時，你就失去了流入大海的機會。你會堅持，是因為你從來不知道你的本質是什麼，只要質不變，形又何必在乎呢？」
過於執著 反將成長空間設限
很多從小被父母寵壞的孩子，要某樣東西時，非要不可，美其名曰「執著」，其實人世間沒有不可替代的東西，就像沒有人是不可替代的人一樣，給自己一些彈性時，成長的空間更大。
泰戈爾說：「如果你在夜晚時，因看不見太陽而哭泣，那麼你的眼淚會使你看不見滿天的星斗。」太陽和星星都會發光，但是你非要太陽不可時，你被眼淚遮住，就看不見滿天的星光了。
My comments: "If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars."--Rabindranath Tagore
威廉詹姆斯也說：「人可以因為心態的改變而改變生命。」一旦放棄執著，很多的選擇就出現了。台灣有人考了二十七次高考才考上，報紙讚美說「有志者事竟成」，我看了卻很傷感，為了這個執著，他的人生過去了一大半（22歲大學畢業，當兩年兵，再考27次高考，年齡應該已有50歲了）。
My comments: Well, as long as he enjoyed what he was doing, that would have been the best decision for him.
思考有彈性 才能放手找尋新機會
思考若沒有彈性，容易鑽牛角尖，走不出來時，易釀成悲劇。失戀幾乎是每一個人成長的過程中，都會碰到的挫折，在感情走不下去時，那就是個轉折點。智者會說：「天涯何處無芳草。」放下，去尋找別的機會。執著者會堅持非要不可，要不到時，玉石俱焚。
所以在孩子成長的過程中，應想辦法讓他思考有彈性。猶太的塔木德經（Talmud）中有一句話很好：人的眼睛是由黑白兩部分組成的，為什麼只有黑的部分才能看見東西呢？那是因為人必須透過黑暗才能看到光明。所以聰明人把握機會，知道什麼時候該出手，智者卻知道什麼時候該放手，捨比取是更大的智慧。
幼年期的學習重點不在知識而在心態
幼年期的安全感決定以後挫折時的反彈力，布魯漢爵士的話提醒我們，教養孩子的重點絕不是以後有一生的時間可以去學的知識。幼年期內隱的學習的確是一輩子洗不掉，因為它直接儲存在神經連接的突觸上。正向的人生觀與生活的彈性才是父母不用花錢、又能讓孩子受用一生的最好禮物。
※完整內容請見《學前教育數位雜誌》2013年11月號。
************
I found the English version of this article online.
http://taurusingemini.wordpress.com/tag/entrance-exams/
When the First Choice Didn’t Fall Through
After the examinations, comes the hard part, which school do I go to??? Translated…
Lord Henry Brougham once said, “If you can erase everything someone learns, then, what children learned from when they were younger will take them their entire life to clear, and, what they’d learned after they’re grown gets wiped out within a week’s time.” The editor of a certain childrearing practice magazine wrote: Does this belief go accordingly with early head start?
The answer is “NO”, Lord Brougham’s words, is stressing the importance of one’s early childhood experiences, and back then, early childhood education is NOT teaching the kids math, English, or other talents early, it means what the parents allow the kids to model after, especially, that sense of security that cannot be put into descriptions, the emotional development of children when they are still very young is all too vital, and the moral education of early childhood can and WILL affect the child throughout her/his life.
The parents are stressed out over early education, because they feared that their child might lose to others at the starting point. But the truth is that successful people don’t necessarily have a head start in life, they’d gained the head start at the turning points of their lives, because life cannot be all smooth sailing, there MUST be twists and turns, and, being able to make the right decisions when those turns came is the key.
People who are wise can make the right choices, and, the correctness of the choices comes AFTER the decisions are made. So, win or lose, it’s reliant upon whether or not one has made the right choices in life, NOT about how fast one can run at the start of the race. When the first choice fell out, the child MUST accept other possibilities, and allow oneself to become flexible.
There was a story: a river ran from the heights of the mountains, it passed through the deserts to head toward the seas, but, on its way, the water was evaporated by the heat in the deserts, it cried, “I may never reach the oceans now.” The desert told the river, “You can still reach it, you’re evaporated water now, and evaporated water will flow along the atmosphere, the breeze will take you to the oceans, and, when you meet the cold, you’d become the rain, and, as you’d come down, you’d end up in the oceans.” The river said, “But, if I become moisture, then, I’m no longer a river!” The desert said, “Actually, your key qualities had not changed, you’re still liquid. But, when you insisted on staying a river, you’d lost your chances of emptying out into the oceans. The reason why you fought, is because you never really knew what you were, so long as your key qualities don’t chance, why do you care about your forms?”
A lot of spoiled children, when they wanted something, they MUST have it, describing it in positive terms, it’s “persistent”, but, there’s NOTHING that one CANNOT live without in the world, like people can’t be replaced, give yourselves some flexibility, then, you’ll have a bigger room to grow.
Tagore said, “If at night, you cry for not seeing the sun, then, your tears will blind you from the sky full of stars.” The sun and the stars are all glowing, but when you MUST have the sun, your eyes are blind by the tears, and, you wouldn’t see the starry skies. William James also said, “Lives can change, because of one’s altering one’s own attitudes.” Once you’d let go of your persistence, a LOT of choices will come before you.
There was someone who’d taken the entrance exams twenty-seven times, and then, finally gotten into school, his life had flown by him (graduated out of college at age twenty-two, two years in the army, twenty-seven tries for government position exams, the man should be in his fifties.”
If you don’t have flexibility in thought, and becomes too stringent in your ways, you are bound to become a tragedy. For instance, lost love, that, would be a turning point, and, the person who’s stubborn MUST keep this lost love, and, when one can’t have that, s/he will be willing to sacrifice one’s own life to get it; the wise would say, “There are plenty of other fishes in the seas”, let go, and find other chances.
So, in the child’s coming of age, you should train her/him to become flexible in thought. In the Bible for Jews, the “Talmud”, there was a very good line, “the human eyes are made of two portions, black and white, so, how come only the black portion can see things? It’s because we must go through the darkness first, before we know what light is.” So, the smart take chances, know when to strike, the wise know when to fold, letting go is a much more important thing to learn than trying to gain.
The sense of security we have as children will become the determinant of how we react to problems in our lives. Lord Broughman reminded us that the KEY to childhood education is NOT in acquiring all the knowledge one can get for one’s lifetime. The experiences we’d gained from our early childhood years can be erased for the rest of our lives, because it is stored in the parts where the nerve endings connected. A positive outlook on life, and having the flexibility, is a lesson that parents can teach, without spending too much money on the lessons, and the parents can teach this lesson to the kids themselves, and the kids will find it useful for the rest of their lives.
And so, the education in the home is still the K-E-Y (like I’d already said, hello, hello, hello???), and yet, how many of you parents are spending ENOUGH time with your young, to read their bedtime stories, to sit with them, helping them with their homework assignments? None, because, you got ends to meet, and, the cost of living is getting higher, higher and higher by the NANOSECOND, and, you won’t be able to afford to lose any time in making money, and so, you let your kids “slide”…
沒有留言:
張貼留言